A friend of ours sent this new remix to us, unfortunately u have to sing it yourself as no one I know will record this version, but sing it out loud, trust me by the end you will be in a heap lying on the floor laughing! So here goes, to the tune of I WILL SURVIVE:
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years, waiting for a man long,
That I grew strong, I knew I could take you on..
But there you are, Another lie
I was expecting a Big mac, and all I got was a french fry!
I should have know that it was bull***t, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known no anaconda lurked within your jeans..
Go Now Go! Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!
[CHORUS]
I will survive! I will survive!
As long as I have batteries my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex
I will Survive! I will Survive! Hey Hey!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with you ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless Multi speed!
[CHORUS]
I will survive! I will survive!
As long as I have batteries my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex
I will Survive! I will Survive! Hey Hey!
Now isn't that one of the funnies songs you have heard in ages...
sigh!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The real problem with boys in Cape Town
One of the best girls I know sent me this little story, I think it details exactly the problem with the masculine half of the Cape Town species.
" I was at Oblivion on Saturday when a guy chats me up on the dance floor and asks if he can buy me a drink. So I said, yes, why not (a girl needs to have a few drinks, right?) and he went off to buy me a drink. he brought the drink to where I was chatting to some friends, and said "Come dance with me", So I replied "just a second I'm just chatting to a friend quickly, whereupon he said "No, you have to come dance with me right now - I have to leave to pick up my girlfriend from a party in a couple of minutes" - What an idiot!"
What and idiot indeed. He's lucky he didn't end up with red wine thrown at him... I would have liked to hear him explain that to his girlfriend...
I maintain what I have always said, boys in Cape Town are never happy with what they have, they are constantly wanting something better. They live in one of the most beautiful cities on earth, with some of the most exquisitely beautiful woman ever to be created, right there in front of them... and they treat them like dirt... Not an intelligent bunch these boys who live in Cape Town. So I've changed my mind im not immigrating, I'm gonna chase them into the ice cold Atlantic sea and import some new ones... any one keen to join me?
" I was at Oblivion on Saturday when a guy chats me up on the dance floor and asks if he can buy me a drink. So I said, yes, why not (a girl needs to have a few drinks, right?) and he went off to buy me a drink. he brought the drink to where I was chatting to some friends, and said "Come dance with me", So I replied "just a second I'm just chatting to a friend quickly, whereupon he said "No, you have to come dance with me right now - I have to leave to pick up my girlfriend from a party in a couple of minutes" - What an idiot!"
What and idiot indeed. He's lucky he didn't end up with red wine thrown at him... I would have liked to hear him explain that to his girlfriend...
I maintain what I have always said, boys in Cape Town are never happy with what they have, they are constantly wanting something better. They live in one of the most beautiful cities on earth, with some of the most exquisitely beautiful woman ever to be created, right there in front of them... and they treat them like dirt... Not an intelligent bunch these boys who live in Cape Town. So I've changed my mind im not immigrating, I'm gonna chase them into the ice cold Atlantic sea and import some new ones... any one keen to join me?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Any one else thinking about immigrating
So its taken me a while to write about this guy, he's a real gem. The worst part... I did not see it coming. The jackass with the terrible phone manners yes... ex boyfriend turning out to be a dick I actually did see that coming... but this guy... blind sided me.
Well to be honest I suppose if I had been looking properly I would have noticed that he was potentially dangerous, he did have a girlfriend when we met!
However, how completely vile he was only became evident at a later stage. Now details are not important, but this guy is beautiful. Truly truly beautiful! In my opinion. And I got played! He was so charming, so loving, said the most amazing things... and then I didn't hear from him again... until the other night, when while he was trying his luck with me (AGAIN!!!) the dumb ass was feeling up some of my friends. I mean honestly who does that?
Well clearly he does, but girls we got bigger problems... What this means is that boys are stepping things up a bit.. now not only do we have to look out for the ridiculous jock, the rich jerk, the the idiots who don't know how to use telephones properly, the psychos who lie to get what they want... But now we have to be careful about the boys we have dreamed about our whole lives. When I was in junior school, me and my friends wrote list detailing our perfect boys... This particular boy matched my description almost perfectly. And he turned out to be a complete Asshole! Now what? Who do we trust now? What does it say about the state of this nations male population that we can no longer rely on even our instincts...
I'm thinking immigration! Whose with me?
Well to be honest I suppose if I had been looking properly I would have noticed that he was potentially dangerous, he did have a girlfriend when we met!
However, how completely vile he was only became evident at a later stage. Now details are not important, but this guy is beautiful. Truly truly beautiful! In my opinion. And I got played! He was so charming, so loving, said the most amazing things... and then I didn't hear from him again... until the other night, when while he was trying his luck with me (AGAIN!!!) the dumb ass was feeling up some of my friends. I mean honestly who does that?
Well clearly he does, but girls we got bigger problems... What this means is that boys are stepping things up a bit.. now not only do we have to look out for the ridiculous jock, the rich jerk, the the idiots who don't know how to use telephones properly, the psychos who lie to get what they want... But now we have to be careful about the boys we have dreamed about our whole lives. When I was in junior school, me and my friends wrote list detailing our perfect boys... This particular boy matched my description almost perfectly. And he turned out to be a complete Asshole! Now what? Who do we trust now? What does it say about the state of this nations male population that we can no longer rely on even our instincts...
I'm thinking immigration! Whose with me?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Speaking of Ex Boyfriends
A girl sent us this story, its so good we just have to share it:
"About a month ago I broke up with a boy, things ended badly, there was a new man involved. But he was moving away anyway which we had known from the start so I assumed things would end fine, I was wrong.
Anyway he left and I haven't heard from him for a month, which was exactly how I wanted things. Then out of the blue I received this email:
" Hey. Just want to let you know not to worry about things. Its all good, as they say. I've been travelling with my new girlfriend, who is not only a great laugh and lots of fun, but seriously hot and a lot less high maintenance than you!!!!! Keep well." "
Yip he went there... What I want to know is what he thought he would achieve by saying that? That suddenly this woman would become aware of how much she has lost and wish things had been different and realise what a great guy she had lost? DID HE REALLY THINK THAT? Is he stupid, all that she felt was pity for his new girlfriend... So do i ... hope she reads this blog and realises what a toss her new man is.
"About a month ago I broke up with a boy, things ended badly, there was a new man involved. But he was moving away anyway which we had known from the start so I assumed things would end fine, I was wrong.
Anyway he left and I haven't heard from him for a month, which was exactly how I wanted things. Then out of the blue I received this email:
" Hey. Just want to let you know not to worry about things. Its all good, as they say. I've been travelling with my new girlfriend, who is not only a great laugh and lots of fun, but seriously hot and a lot less high maintenance than you!!!!! Keep well." "
Yip he went there... What I want to know is what he thought he would achieve by saying that? That suddenly this woman would become aware of how much she has lost and wish things had been different and realise what a great guy she had lost? DID HE REALLY THINK THAT? Is he stupid, all that she felt was pity for his new girlfriend... So do i ... hope she reads this blog and realises what a toss her new man is.
Why Cant ex boyfriends stay in the past?
Why is it that he enjoys popping up in the most unexpected of places just to see my reaction.. does this classify as stalking?
We broke up a year ago, he has a new girl friend (which i might add he "forgot" to tell me about, the exact words he used: "Oh I forgot it didn't seem important"...Really???!!!) But still he wont leave me alone. Despite my confessions that I do not want to see him ever again he still seems to be popping up in my world...
He announced yesterday that he just got a job as a barman at my favorite dancing location... He
was so proud of himself, "Hey aren't you proud, I got a job!!" yes well done.. but a barman?
Anyway how too make my life difficult...I have decided that I will still go dancing there, but only now I'm going to be putting drinks on his tab, with out his knowledge and when he asks about it I will simply say "Oh I forgot, it didn't seem important!"
We broke up a year ago, he has a new girl friend (which i might add he "forgot" to tell me about, the exact words he used: "Oh I forgot it didn't seem important"...Really???!!!) But still he wont leave me alone. Despite my confessions that I do not want to see him ever again he still seems to be popping up in my world...
He announced yesterday that he just got a job as a barman at my favorite dancing location... He
was so proud of himself, "Hey aren't you proud, I got a job!!" yes well done.. but a barman?
Anyway how too make my life difficult...I have decided that I will still go dancing there, but only now I'm going to be putting drinks on his tab, with out his knowledge and when he asks about it I will simply say "Oh I forgot, it didn't seem important!"
Girls night Summary
Advice for girls everywhere... get yourself some good girl friends... have dinner with them regularly and listen to their advice...
Words of wisdom from last night: "you dont have to marry them, just kiss them!"
Excellent advice...
Words of wisdom from last night: "you dont have to marry them, just kiss them!"
Excellent advice...
Friday, March 9, 2007
Mr telephone Jackass
Since the last post where I described how I was bombarded with smses on sunday and requests for coffee on monday and how I then hadnt heard from him all week... Well on Thursday evening the phone goes beep and lo and behold there is a text from him... "Sorry I haven't been in contact... work's just been so hectic this week! I am still keen for that drink.. will let you know whats happening tommorrow."
Yip, u read correctly! He has been too busy to send me a text all week but now expects me to be sitting around waiting for his text about what is happening tonight... IM BUSY!!! Its friday... contray to what you read in womans magazines We do not sit around waiting for boys to call...
Learn to use a phone properly boy! Honestly
Yip, u read correctly! He has been too busy to send me a text all week but now expects me to be sitting around waiting for his text about what is happening tonight... IM BUSY!!! Its friday... contray to what you read in womans magazines We do not sit around waiting for boys to call...
Learn to use a phone properly boy! Honestly
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Learning to use a phone correctly
On Saturday night I met a boy. No sorry I met a man, well he seemed to be a man, his stories all checked out and he seemed to be doing well in the real world (he wasn't still living with his mom, he had a job which he enjoyed which didn't involve the words barman or waiter or struggling artist).
We chatted, we got a long just fine, we flirted it looked promising... then we parted for a while (it was a party, one should never be monopolised!) and when we started chatting again, he started asking the very same questions, including what is your name... what do you do... I pointed out that i had already told him these details and that if he was truly interested he should find some one who would tell him because I certainly wasn't going to. (Strike 1)
Turns out he took the time to fine out and got me a drink... nice touch.. We carried on chatting, i gave him my number and he left.
He must have sent about a 7 texts that night and 4 the next day (I only replied to a few of them). On the Monday he asked if I wanted to have coffee sometime I said that would be nice... I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!!!! (Strike 2)
what the hell is that all about? Don't abuse a persons phone number bombarding them all day and then play it cool... a bit of consistency please... either u are interested or you are not... Strike 3 and you're out...
And the worst part is, having recently decided that the reason I cant find a descent bloke may be my fault (I tend to want to help people therefore picking losers to love...) He is not my type at all, and I thought, well here is your chance, lets give it ago lets see what u got to give...
And the same thing happened... I give up, clearly its not me... its BOYS!!!!
We chatted, we got a long just fine, we flirted it looked promising... then we parted for a while (it was a party, one should never be monopolised!) and when we started chatting again, he started asking the very same questions, including what is your name... what do you do... I pointed out that i had already told him these details and that if he was truly interested he should find some one who would tell him because I certainly wasn't going to. (Strike 1)
Turns out he took the time to fine out and got me a drink... nice touch.. We carried on chatting, i gave him my number and he left.
He must have sent about a 7 texts that night and 4 the next day (I only replied to a few of them). On the Monday he asked if I wanted to have coffee sometime I said that would be nice... I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!!!! (Strike 2)
what the hell is that all about? Don't abuse a persons phone number bombarding them all day and then play it cool... a bit of consistency please... either u are interested or you are not... Strike 3 and you're out...
And the worst part is, having recently decided that the reason I cant find a descent bloke may be my fault (I tend to want to help people therefore picking losers to love...) He is not my type at all, and I thought, well here is your chance, lets give it ago lets see what u got to give...
And the same thing happened... I give up, clearly its not me... its BOYS!!!!
Why hasn't he smsed...?
Honestly. You would think that after a night of great kisses and cuddles, the boy who is the best action you have seen in a while would at least send a lousy sms... It's not a lot to ask! All seemed to be going well. He made made the required 'I had a great time last night' Sunday call and said he wanted to meet up the next weekend - perfect! Then the long wait began... Tuesday sms would have been a nice surprise. Wednesday sms was what was expected. No word by the end of the weekend is just not on! Useless individual... All your great kisses will not save you from the power of the pins going into my voodoo doll!
Every boy needs a Map...
Men! Useless... My best friend and I often lament over their uselessness with the expression 'BOYS!' Which pretty much sums all our feelings up. However, lately we have been feeling that part of the problem might be exactly that! We need to be looking for Men and not Boys... I decided to put our new theory to the test and went on a date on Sunday with a Man. Great excitement as he ticked all the required boxes - things were looking up! However, after a day of speeding in his sports car, hearing about how much he earned, not being allowed to pay for anything (really, I can afford a chocolate bar, it's okay) as well trying to be a sympathetic ear about his divorce (I know!) I decided that Men too seem to have their problems... Thus I'm taking a sabattical from both!
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