Apolpgies for the long silence

But all that really means is that I now have some truly amazing stories to tell, so go make yourself some tea (or get yourself something alcoholic to drink) and prepare to feel really really sorry for me!

so I'm not sure where to start but perhaps I should start by introducing some new characters, I can always come back to the recurring idiots who haunt my dreams...

So Meet the traveling salesman (here after to be referred to as TS) He is a friend of a friend and is in town on some business (not entirely sure what but none the less) And my friend invites us all out to meet him. From the moment we meet we are inseparable. Eventually all our friends leave and just the two of us remain and we are dancing up a storm!

Now its a beautiful autumn evening in cape town so when he suggests that we leave and go do something ridiculous the first thing that comes to my mind is night swimming on llundudno beach what else is there to do? So off we go and literally it was the most fun I have had in ages. And after swimming in the freezing cold ocean (and dancing on the beach in the moonlight I must add) we head back to his hotel which is closer than my house.

Now details are not important but we had fun. and the next morning when we were awakened by the cleaning services he took me home again. Full of the joys of spring.

Anyway needless to say I didn't hear from him again (which really is par for the course) But a few days later i was having drinks with the mutual friend and she asked me what time i got home etc so i filled her in on a few of the details... and she went very quiet and kinda pale..

Turns out the FUCKER has a girlfriend back in JHB which he clearly forgot to mention to me like all night! To make matters worse they are planning on getting married, this how ever did no come up in conversation.

But now the dumb ass is on facebook and we are friends... You know how it asks how you know each other? I'm thinking of saying, we hooked up and it was fantastic! Despite the fact he failed to mention to me that he had a girlfriend...

i think that would be fair game. The poor girl deserves to know what type of ass she is planning on spending the rest of her life with!

The Jackass with the inability to use the telephone correctly... PART 2

So I'm clearly a fool! Remember the jackass who didn't know how to use the phone properly? Well he resurfaced... and I replied! Long and the short of it is as follows:

Wednesday last week he had dinner with some of my friends and for what ever reason decided to start the texting war again, bombarding me with texts till my inbox was full! I was rather intoxicated so I replied! Silly girl! He asked me to join him on Saturday at a friends birthday.. I said no chance!

anyway the next day the barrage of texts continued, some of which included the words "I wont take no for an answer, what will it take to convince you to join me?" Anyway eventually I caved... simply because I still think that in the past I have made some awful mistakes so now where I would usually say no I say yes, (its not like it can be much worse than it has been before!!!)

After some very confusing texts and arrangements, my friend and I met him and his friend for a drink before going to his friends birthday shindig... Double date... Such fun! What a nightmare!!! An initial drinks date is awkward enough without throwing friends in for a laugh. However as it turns out that wasn't the most awkward part... no the most awkward part would be the part where he approached my best friend and asked for her phone number!

Yes, you read that correctly.. he approached my best friend whilst on a date with me and asked her for her number! After telling me how fantastic he thought I was! I just cant win! Either u are in or you are out... I dismissed u last time for your bad behaviour... then out of the goodness of my heart I let u back in for a second innings.... and now I'm banning you from playing ever again!

So now i really am at a loss... i cant trust my instincts... But I cant go against them either... could some one please enlighten me as to what the hell I'm supposed to do now!

Thanks

The ex is back!

Ex boyfriend working as a barman at my favorite dancing spot... Awful!!

Ex boyfriend working as a barman at my favorite dancing spot pouring me free drinks all night... Pretty ok!

Ex boyfriend working as a barman at my favorite dancing spot, pouring me free drinks all night, While I'm kissing a hot boy on the dance floor...

Aaahhh yes... i think they call that justice!

Tick Tock...

I went out the other night... ok no to be honest I was set up the other night by some very good friends...

Being set up is never fun. Its awkward, its uncomfortable and it generally leads to feelings of embarrassment! Which in turn leads to drinking, which helps the awkwardness but not the lingering feelings of embarrassment!

So anyway I was set up: and I drank a lot and then danced a lot and then had several arguments with the young man I was being set up with! Now being set up is not be the story I retell here.. no the comments the silly boy i was set up with are the story here... and they make the whole disastrous evening freaking hilarious!!!!

Argument one would have been the part where he couldn't remember my name..

but argument two was the real clincher.. u know the one which ensures there will be no argument 3...

Argument 2 went something like this:
boy: "all girls over 25 want, is to have babies!"
me: " I'm sorry are you being serious?"
boy: "yes! Its a fact. all girls over 25 just want to have babies. Its all you think about."

A bout of stunned silence followed from me while I tried to figure this one out. Eventually I responded: "Are you being serious?"

boy: " Yes totally, all my ex girl friend wanted was to have my babies!!"

By now I was well and truly stunned... I started to argue and informed him that he was mistaken and that I certainly did not want babies now... not for a while in fact...

He then turned to me and uttered the following words: "Oh come on, you cant deny that you biological clock is ticking.."

Yip some boy I hardly know firstly commented on my biological clock and then on how it must be ticking...

I mean honestly... Am i going mad? Am i missing something? Am I supposed to be wanting to have some ones babies... because I'm 26... did I miss another memo? I'm sorry, but i don't want to have your babies... or any ones for that matter (however if Angelina keeps adopting and brad wants more of his own, I might reconsider to help him out... BUT ONLY THEN, no one else will convince me that babies are a good idea at the moment!)

Men, UGH!!!!

You have to sing out loud

A friend of ours sent this new remix to us, unfortunately u have to sing it yourself as no one I know will record this version, but sing it out loud, trust me by the end you will be in a heap lying on the floor laughing! So here goes, to the tune of I WILL SURVIVE:

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years, waiting for a man long,
That I grew strong, I knew I could take you on..
But there you are, Another lie
I was expecting a Big mac, and all I got was a french fry!
I should have know that it was bull***t, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known no anaconda lurked within your jeans..

Go Now Go! Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!

[CHORUS]

I will survive! I will survive!
As long as I have batteries my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex
I will Survive! I will Survive! Hey Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with you ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless Multi speed!

[CHORUS]

I will survive! I will survive!
As long as I have batteries my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex
I will Survive! I will Survive! Hey Hey!

Now isn't that one of the funnies songs you have heard in ages...

sigh!

The real problem with boys in Cape Town

One of the best girls I know sent me this little story, I think it details exactly the problem with the masculine half of the Cape Town species.

" I was at Oblivion on Saturday when a guy chats me up on the dance floor and asks if he can buy me a drink. So I said, yes, why not (a girl needs to have a few drinks, right?) and he went off to buy me a drink. he brought the drink to where I was chatting to some friends, and said "Come dance with me", So I replied "just a second I'm just chatting to a friend quickly, whereupon he said "No, you have to come dance with me right now - I have to leave to pick up my girlfriend from a party in a couple of minutes" - What an idiot!"

What and idiot indeed. He's lucky he didn't end up with red wine thrown at him... I would have liked to hear him explain that to his girlfriend...

I maintain what I have always said, boys in Cape Town are never happy with what they have, they are constantly wanting something better. They live in one of the most beautiful cities on earth, with some of the most exquisitely beautiful woman ever to be created, right there in front of them... and they treat them like dirt... Not an intelligent bunch these boys who live in Cape Town. So I've changed my mind im not immigrating, I'm gonna chase them into the ice cold Atlantic sea and import some new ones... any one keen to join me?

Any one else thinking about immigrating

So its taken me a while to write about this guy, he's a real gem. The worst part... I did not see it coming. The jackass with the terrible phone manners yes... ex boyfriend turning out to be a dick I actually did see that coming... but this guy... blind sided me.

Well to be honest I suppose if I had been looking properly I would have noticed that he was potentially dangerous, he did have a girlfriend when we met!

However, how completely vile he was only became evident at a later stage. Now details are not important, but this guy is beautiful. Truly truly beautiful! In my opinion. And I got played! He was so charming, so loving, said the most amazing things... and then I didn't hear from him again... until the other night, when while he was trying his luck with me (AGAIN!!!) the dumb ass was feeling up some of my friends. I mean honestly who does that?

Well clearly he does, but girls we got bigger problems... What this means is that boys are stepping things up a bit.. now not only do we have to look out for the ridiculous jock, the rich jerk, the the idiots who don't know how to use telephones properly, the psychos who lie to get what they want... But now we have to be careful about the boys we have dreamed about our whole lives. When I was in junior school, me and my friends wrote list detailing our perfect boys... This particular boy matched my description almost perfectly. And he turned out to be a complete Asshole! Now what? Who do we trust now? What does it say about the state of this nations male population that we can no longer rely on even our instincts...

I'm thinking immigration! Whose with me?